THIS was a Great Debate!

Don't know what the hell they said, but I should have a hangover and laughter-induced asthma to add to the boil thing.

Sadly, a broken down car, rain, a sick dog, and an irritable hubby, broke up our fun (and it was FUN!!)

BTW, when Ellen's really drunk, she snorts when she laughs. A lot.

That was a great night, Ellen. When's the next debate? :-D

Bikers and White Trash (or Bitching About My New Neighborhood)

I suppose it's that time of year again, when all motorcycle-riding, white trash of Eastern Missouri gather at the sports bar across the road from me and show off the size of their dicks by revving their engines. And on top of that, they come with their own sound system.

If only Al Qaeda would pick that strip mall to fly a plane into.

Like, right now.

Goddamned hoosiers.

Living Up to the Title of My Blog

Boils...

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so along with the Cipro I get ointment, and after four applications, I have like a quarter of the tube left. What's more frustrating, I don't know for how many days I'm supposed to apply this crap; the Rx doesn't say - it just says apply three times a day. I have to wait till Monday to find out if this is for a week, a month or for the rest of my freakin' life. In the meantime it looks like another trip to Walgreens tomorrow. *sigh*

Speaking of which... time to strip, apply ointment and stand around naked for 10 minutes while the stuff soaks in.

A Pox! A Pox Upon My Ass!

Okay, my epidermis isn't exactly of the peaches and cream variety, not since I was a child anyway. Rolls, stretchmarks since the 70s, cellulite, moles, infrequent bouts of acne -- you know, middle-aged women crap.

However, nothing prepared me for the vision in my bathroom mirror last night. Hoooooly shit. The gross-out factor went far beyond the normal, everyday revulsion.

I managed to rule out hives because of how they looked (Thank you for the Internet, Mr. Gore!) I also ruled out mosquitoes, considering the area of primary affect -- my ass and torso. So, I thought bedbugs? Scabies? Well, it's a good thing my new mattress is getting delivered tomorrow. But, no, not bedbugs or scabies. Leprosy? Nope, I haven't been near all those illegal immigrants Lou Dobbs has decided are introducing the Plague to the U.S.

Measles? Had 'em. Chicken pox? Had 'em. German Measles? Hmmm...

Well, I suspected what these welts were, and I didn't want them to be what I thought they were.

This morning I called the doctor's office and got an appointment. Yay! I arrived on time, was eventually taken back to a room, disrobed from the waist down and waited for the doctor to confirm that indeed I have been cursed with one of the 10 plagues of Egypt.

Boils. Lots and lots of boils. [insert obligatory view-at-you-own-risk-disclaimer here] Note: this is not my skin. This is a marked improvement over mine.

Doctor C: You been out in the woods lately?

Me: I live near woods and biker bars in West Jesus, Missouri.

Doctor C: Been in any tall grasses?

Me: No...

Doctor C: These are all at the hair follicle. It looks like folliculitis. I've seen this with hot tub usage.

Me: *gasp!* I was in my brother's hot tub Monday!

Doctor C: That's probably what did it. Is it a plastic or wood hot tub?

Me: Plastic. It's brand new. *pout*

Doctor C: The wood hot tubs are worse, but even with these new ones, if they don't have the chemicals just right, bacteria creep in.

Me: Crap. There goes my hot tub party. Grrrrrr....

Doctor C: I'm going to write you a scrip for Cipro -- that's good for anthrax [he says grinning]. Then I want to you use a topical ointment three times a day. You should strip down, apply it on each pustule (!!!!!) -- I know you'll want to rub it in like lotion, but don't. Let yourself air dry for about ten minutes before putting your clothes back on. If they itch, take an antihistamine. If they hurt, take ibuprofen.

Me: *sigh* Okay. At least it isn't something really bad.

Doctor C: Yeah, you're not Typhoid Mary.

Me: Or TB Andy.

Doctor C: *snort*

So I come home, strip nekkid, apply the ointment, pop a Cipro, eat an early dinner in the nude, then get in my jammies.

It's a good thing I have a brand, spanking new mattress that I can rub the staphylococcus bacteria into.

Oh, and I get to tell my brother I'm allergic to his hot tub.