Aulways and Forever...

So I tried to call my friend Brad today. I've been meaning to set up some time to go see him, so I was hoping to drop by the nursing facility where's he'd moved to this past summer. He had MS. Had.

He died September 22.

I learned this from his sister, whom I'd called to see how I could get in touch with him since all I got when I dialed his phone was a message saying the phone number was no longer in service. My first thought was that the phone set up was too difficult to use or that he was no longer able to use it effectively, so they disconnected it. Turns out the latter supposition was correct, but to an extreme I wasn't prepared to consider so soon.

I learned he'd spent the last three weeks of his life in the hospital, that he died from respiratory complications, that in this hospital here in St. Louis he'd received the best care he'd ever had, that he was surrounded by his family, and that his death was a very peaceful one.

Brad was cremated. And typical of my friend, he wanted part of his ashes scattered at the H of the Hollywood sign in L.A., and part of his ashes will be interred in a plot near his parents' graves in St. Louis.

My timing with Brad has always sucked. He is one of my oldest and dearest friends - I was five when we met in the first grade. He lit up the room at our 20th high school reunion. For me, he was the only reason to be there.

After I hung up the phone with Brad's sister, I spent the first ten minutes reeling from the news, wishing I could have said good-bye, wishing I could have picked up the phone a month ago and gone to see him.

I'm pretty sure I had a dream about him some time in the past three weeks. One in which Brad was talking, that his MS had reversed its course and he was better and walking and hugging (the latter he missed being able to do). Maybe he is better now. And maybe he's still saving me a place like he promised the last time I saw him in August.

For some reason, I can't this tune from Dave Matthews Band out of my head right now:

I am no Superman
I have answers for you
I am no hero, that's for sure
But I do know one thing
Where you are is where I belong
I do know where you go is where I wanna be
Where are you going?

Brad, I love you. Aulways.